Trusting Bob

Continuing my sharing on the book "Winning With People" (and its workbook), there's a chapter in it that asks if we are Bob or do we have a Bob around us. Bob, in this case, is a person who has a problem with everyone. Bob is either a:

• problem carrier
• problem finder
• problem creator
• problem receiver

When dealing with Bob of our lives, I learned from John Maxwell that:

• Respond with a positive comment
  Whenever something negative gets brought to us, listen and point out the positive too.
  
  
• Show concern for someone being criticized
  Whenever motives are critiqued, give the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best in others.
  
  
• Encourage steps towards resolution
  Whenever someone brings a complaint about another person, best to get them to talk. Not doing so and just speculating would be like gossiping.
  
  
• Ask Bob to THINK before speaking
  Is is True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?
  
  
• Keep Bob away from others
  Don't let their negativism spread.

Never let the situation mean more than the relationship
Whenever conflict arises between friends or peers, the first question I ask is do I still want to preserve the relationship with this person. More often than not, I do. Although restoring the trust in the relationship requires work and will take time, but it can be done.

Forgive and trust Bob again

• Forgive as if you are in the right, you have power over the other person that can't be abused.
• It should not happen again as forgiving doesn't mean that they can continue to hurt you. This has to be communicated.
  
• Treat them according to their best qualities. The only way you can make another person trustworthy is by trusting them.