Monday, December 01, 2008

Live, Love, Risk, Hurt, & Learn


Yesterday morning, I allotted time while at the beach to finish Leo Buscaglia's Living, Loving, and Learning. It is a great complement to Personhood despite the overlap in numerous parts. Here are some of the interesting insights and reflections thought of based from the book.
  1. Finding happiness in ourselves (My happiness is me, not you.)
    We can't put our happiness to others as the people around us may possibly be temporary or will move on to pursue what they want in their lives.

    All we need is already in us. We must grow into our own perfection and not what others say it should be like. We can't give to anybody in this world what we don't have. We can't love others if we don't love ourselves first.
  2. Be spontaneous
    Reach out, show affection and love, without fear and hesitation. Sometimes, this gets reciprocated. At other times, it gets turned down. The joy is immeasurable. Otherwise, you still don't lose anything.
  3. Trust and take the risk
    I remember discussing The Secret before. When I think about it now, it was because I trusted, was willing to take the risk, and even get hurt so badly for it. Both the joy and suffering makes you stronger and if you learn, even become a better person.

    Although in the process, you harden up and take less risk.
  4. Dichotomy
    I live my life to the fullest. Free to choose the alternatives desired and accept the responsibility for it. I will be at the moment. If they don't work, got what I deserve. Explore other alternatives after.
  5. Real intimacy
    Give and receive without exploitation. As Leo puts it, "I don't want to use you. I want to love you. I want to experience you. I want to know you. I want to smell you. I want to feel you. I want to grow with you. I want to dance with you, cry with you. I want to caress you."

    It will take all the energies you have. It is a risk and can bring pain. Leo said that real intimacy should be spontaneous and have no expectations or unconditional. It must come as a surprise.

    However, one must not wait to communicate their feelings. Not being able to express what we are feeling now is a destructive element. There should be no short arguments. Long is needed to get to the feelings.


    I believe that this is only possible if both parties are interested to pursue it. Else, if only one will strive for it, then it will only be a one-way intimacy. It may not last long enough.

    However, real intimacy must still preserve the individuality of partners. There's still "You" and "I". What bonds both together is "Us". If in case, the "Us" doesn't work out, there's still "You" and "I" with all the loving memories.

  6. Choose and define your own life. No one can put you down except you. Each one of us is a history in the making. Find out who you are and what you have to share. Then develop it.
Postscript (June 27, 2010)
Admittedly, at some point, I stopped believing in Leo Buscaglia and even thought of deleting this blog post. Somehow got this feeling that embracing the "love idealism" can blind, hurt, and weaken a person to the point one's affection can be taken advantage of.

However, I realized that if you are strong on #1 and #6, you will be alright.

If there's one thing I'm sure of, if your loving partner is an LB disciple, you are very lucky. =)