Trusting Bob

Continuing my sharing on the book "Winning With People" (and its workbook), there's a chapter in it that asks if we are Bob or do we have a Bob around us. Bob, in this case, is a person who has a problem with everyone. Bob is either a:
  • problem carrier
  • problem finder
  • problem creator
  • problem receiver
When dealing with Bob of our lives, I learned from John Maxwell that:
  • Respond with a positive comment
    Whenever something negative gets brought to us, listen and point out the positive too.

  • Show concern for someone being criticized
    Whenever motives are critiqued, give the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best in others.

  • Encourage steps towards resolution
    Whenever someone brings a complaint about another person, best to get them to talk. Not doing so and just speculating would be like gossiping.

  • Ask Bob to THINK before speaking
    Is is True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?

  • Keep Bob away from others
    Don't let their negativism spread.
Never let the situation mean more than the relationship
Whenever conflict arises between friends or peers, the first question I ask is do I still want to preserve the relationship with this person. More often than not, I do. Although restoring the trust in the relationship requires work and will take time, but it can be done.

Forgive and trust Bob again
  • Forgive as if you are in the right, you have power over the other person that can't be abused.
  • It should not happen again as forgiving doesn't mean that they can continue to hurt you. This has to be communicated.
  • Treat them according to their best qualities. The only way you can make another person trustworthy is by trusting them.

Comments

  1. ah.. i think BOB is a very close friend of mine. i tend to meet BOB everywhere i go. so im usually either the problem finder or the problem receiver.

    i constantly use the line, "i easily forgive (too easy actually), but i never forget." not that i'm keeping grudges, rather i've learned from it and is only keeping my guard up. just in case.

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  2. This is totally unrelated to this post, but with your permission and all, I posted it here so that others may know about my thoughts on your work on the Internet computer network.

    I started reading your book (Philippine Internet Review) at about 3 AM this morning, Ms. Janette. Despite my busy sched, I managed to be half-way through it. IT IS an interesting read! Some of the articles reminded me of my stint at the Airport Complex of Clark Air Base when the Internet was still in its infancy. I remember one of our partners, i.e., AMANET, during the first APEC Conference in the country. Had a lot of good memories about it. And I, too, saw the various developments that shaped the industry but let me say that I learned a lot - A WHOLE LOT - from your work.

    Kudos to you and the rest of the team which made the book possible! Thank you for taking time out to do such a project, which I think will greatly benefit a lot of people, both now and in the future.

    In my own humble opinion, IT IS a Must-Have! Every school library in the Philippines should have one. And I kid you not!

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