Friday, August 24, 2007

Trusting Bob

Continuing my sharing on the book "Winning With People" (and its workbook), there's a chapter in it that asks if we are Bob or do we have a Bob around us. Bob, in this case, is a person who has a problem with everyone. Bob is either a:
  • problem carrier
  • problem finder
  • problem creator
  • problem receiver
When dealing with Bob of our lives, I learned from John Maxwell that:
  • Respond with a positive comment
    Whenever something negative gets brought to us, listen and point out the positive too.

  • Show concern for someone being criticized
    Whenever motives are critiqued, give the benefit of the doubt. Believe the best in others.

  • Encourage steps towards resolution
    Whenever someone brings a complaint about another person, best to get them to talk. Not doing so and just speculating would be like gossiping.

  • Ask Bob to THINK before speaking
    Is is True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?

  • Keep Bob away from others
    Don't let their negativism spread.
Never let the situation mean more than the relationship
Whenever conflict arises between friends or peers, the first question I ask is do I still want to preserve the relationship with this person. More often than not, I do. Although restoring the trust in the relationship requires work and will take time, but it can be done.

Forgive and trust Bob again
  • Forgive as if you are in the right, you have power over the other person that can't be abused.
  • It should not happen again as forgiving doesn't mean that they can continue to hurt you. This has to be communicated.
  • Treat them according to their best qualities. The only way you can make another person trustworthy is by trusting them.