Monday, August 13, 2007

Dealing with hurting people (that hurt people)

John Maxwell has always played a great role in shaping my attitude in life and towards dealing with people. I finally got the chance to start re-reading the book "Winning With People" (and its workbook). I guess the timing is just right as there are so many things happening at this time and this book has given me much needed reflection.

One insight I learned is that who we are reflects how we see people. A fashionista will likely look at how the person dresses up herself immediately upon meeting her. A trusting person will view others as trustworthy.

Unfortunately, when we realize that those we trusted are not as trustworthy, instead of being disappointed, accept the reality that giving trust will not always entitle you to the same. In time, your intuition will sharpen and immediately know if a person is trustworthy or not even on the first meeting.

Whenever I get attacked by another person, I always try to remember the phrase "Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them." As John Maxwell said, "When hurting people lash out, it is in response to what's happening inside them than what's happening around them. They feel or believe something negative within themselves. The problem is that those people who don't believe in themselves will never succeed, and they will also keep those around them from succeeding".

In dealing with hurting people, I learned from John Maxwell that:
  • Not to take things personally
    As those who tend to hurt people will find offense even where there's none given. For as long as you've done nothing wrong, then believe in oneself and not on what others say about you.

  • Look beyond the person for the problem
    Always remember that hurting people overreact, over-exaggerate, and overprotect. When a person's reaction is out of line or larger than the issue at hand, the response is almost always about something else.

  • Look beyond the situation
    Rise above the emotional turmoil that other people may create.

  • Do not add to their hurt
    Forgive and move on. Be kind and gentle. Although from experience, most of them can't stand this kind of response.
In my next post, I'll reflect on the kind of person we are and those we deal with. Do we lift people up or take people down in our relationships?

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